Friday, June 11, 2010

a time for everything

in the past six months i have felt an increasing force nudging itself
upon me.  that sounds uncomfortable, like childbirth, but it only
feels like the gentle squeezes of braxton hicks.

in becoming the mother of five children, i think i tucked away part
of myself.  it was not that i was diminished by it, because i was really
enlarged by every moment, but more that i adapted to it . . . a lot.
sort of like a chameleon.

some of my friends resisted that and persevered in their unique ways.
they didn't let james dobson or mary pride mold them into a certain
kind of mother.  they paid a price for that in having more unruly kids,
but held onto themselves better.

the funny thing is that their wild and crazy kids grew into fine adults,
and i think they might respect their moms more for adhering to their
true natures.  but that's not really the point.  the crux is now that my
kids don't need me as much, i have felt these subtle urgings to spread
my wings a bit and notice the subtleties of life more.

this morning as i sowed some cosmo seeds in my garden, i felt the
soft breeze on my cheek and the warm soil in my fingers.   i broke
an egg into the mixer and marveled at its rich, yellow yolk.  i can't
seem to read a book without underlining rich similes  or metaphors.

for those of you sending a child off to college, be encouraged that
your life is not over.  you are feeling the deep pain of uprooting,
but there will still be many times to build, gather, and laugh.

"there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity
under heaven."  ecclesiastes 3:1

love,
lea

ps.  sunday lane is holding steady at #8!

34 comments:

Joan Elizabeth said...

That is encouraging advice. I find that even without having children the season to notice more has also come upon me ... less concern about work. Though I still work hard and enjoy it, I now make time to see the wonderful world the Lord gave us.

Single and Sane said...

Beautiful words. I've really enjoyed getting to know you better in this season.

Margaret =)

Blondie's Journal said...

This post rang so true for me. I have been having the very same feelings. Though I never followed parenting by the books, I was a very involved mother in every way and it is hard to let go when they have grown older... to spend the time rediscovering ones self. But it does happen in baby steps...no pun intended!

Thanks for a very relevant post!

xoxo
Jane

Sonja said...

There is certainly truth in this Lea! My sister and I were recently talking about it... our lives were our children really for so many years. Now we are both still working at 'what we want to be when we grow up!'...:)

Bonnie Bonsai said...

It sure does Lea.... Parenting especially single parenting is quite daunting at least on your part, you have a supportive hubby.

So am grateful to the Lord in every count of my breath I live my life. Now that I have a grandchild...each time I am with the baby, I forget the world I am solely existing and just enjoy the delight and pleasure with my little angel's company.

Yes, there is a season for everything.

PS I cannot follow the voting. My audio is not working properly. Also I will be away for the entire weekend so I'll try to revisit the link you sent. When I visited the site, your girl was in 24. Now, she's number 10? Networking works, believe me.

Melanie said...

What a wonderful post! I always look forward to hearing your perspective!

Hugs!
Melanie
~ melscoffeebreak.blogspot.com ~

Andrea said...

Oh I think about my season all the time. I am truly enjoying this one, even though it's a season where my kids wake me in the middle of the night and too early in the morning! I know I will look back and think how wonderful to see their sweet faces in the morning!

Farm Girl said...

It is so true, I remember just weeping in my flowerbeds I was planting for my two older children, thinking about how it went to fast and I was not ready. But it does become better and richer than before. So it is gaining and not loss.

Lisa said...

Lea,
I think a lot of us are at this stage of our lives. It's kinda sad in a funny way, to be trying to "find ourselves" right along with our kids!

Southern Lady said...

You put my feelings into words for me. Thank you! Now that my girls are getting older and don't seem to need me as much, I find myself searching for the real me again. The me who existed long before my children came along. Will they ever really know that me? I wonder. Carla

Zuzu said...

Loved this, Lea. I had such a difficult time as each of my three children left the nest, but now there's time for new adventures.

Sonja said...

'astrophysicist'?? NOT!!

Aunt Amelia's Attic said...

Another sweet and insightful entry...

Gentle hugs...

Cindy (Letters From Midlife) said...

In my nest, three have left and one remains (he's 16) and I'm discovering I really don't fear the empty nest at all. I look forward to rediscovering the parts of myself that have been put on hold.

Silver Strands said...

Very well said Lea. And YAY for Sunday Lane!
oxoxox
Denalee

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

Very good..so know this feeling, but I still have two of my six at home. I wrote a post on cultivating, because I was walking through this period as my fourth left the nest. I felt it was time to go back and cultivate some of my passions for this new season of life.
Great post...
Janette

Carol Joy said...

and I'm that sister! (Sonja's)....trying to figure it out "what I am going to be when I grow up" now (after daughter's wedding in Norway this summer)....feeling that "push and pull" with/without kids... Nice words Lea on all of it....so many new thoughts and revealings about who I am these days, seeing things I never did before.....and I await expectantly!

Carol Joy

Charli and me said...

I remember how empty I felt when my children left home but it's true they do return and many special memories are made. This week I am feeling happy and sad that our grandson is graduating from Hhgh school. As more of them graduate things change. They become adults and all of the child like things you did with them are over. We now have two great-grands. I do focus more on the things I want to do now and you know it's easy to get used too :>) Life changes but there all always wonderful things to look forward too.

Vee said...

Sunday Lane is a climber! Very good.

This is just the kind of advice that moms need to hear when they reach this stage of parenting. So many fall into a depression that lasts far too long. I applaud you for always being the voice of encouragement.

(As for those moms with the wild kids...perhaps easier for them to hold onto their natures, but miserable for anyone who ever had to interact with those children while they were children. And, yes, I know of perfectly rotten children who grew up to be perfectly normal and law-abiding citizens and vice-versa.)

As for my post...what? Are you saying it isn't?

Rosie said...

Ahh yes Lea, this is so very true. My babies are no longer in the house, and yet, I still mother from afar. Differently, mind you , but when asked for advice, am more than willing to give it. I love this stage, in the life that God has gifted me with, as my dearest and I are honeymooning again, after 27 years. He is so very good...God, I mean...Well, my dearest too :)
Have the best weekend...and sending another "woo~hoo" for #8
...still smiling Rosie...xoxo

myletterstoemily said...

carol!!! this is so fun to meet sonja's
sister. i want to hear everything!

blessings,
lea

Sandra said...

Wise words, indeed.

Parisienne Farmgirl said...

Hi dear! I just got your comment but not your email address... it is showing up as "blogger no reply.com" or something like that!

koralee said...

Just what I needed to hear today! Thank you....my second daughter is off to college in the UK..oh how it pains me but I feel so blessed that she can go. Hugs xoxoxo

Staci Danford said...

You never know... you could be like me and send one off to college and have one at the same time. haha My best wishes on your new steps in life... Make them wonderful and full of so much fabulous that looking forward gives you bubbles in your soul.
Staci

Anne Lyken-Garner said...

Well said. My kids are still young, but as they get more independent, I feel the urge to enjoy things 'just for me' again. I love my new half-freedom and even though I loved having my babies, I won't go back there for anything now that I've tasted the freedom.

His Song To Sing said...

As always, Lea, a beautifully written post. I needed that! You seem to know my heart and we've never met which is a testimony to God's love the way I see it. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Lori

~*~ saskia ~*~ said...

Have a wonderful, happy, sunny, enJOYable weekend time, sweet Lea. xxxxxx

Beansieleigh said...

A beautiful post Lea!.. I was never a big fan of change.. The little stuff is o.k., like trying new foods, or new skin creams.. But as the kids spread their wings, that's a whole different ball game!.. I'm experiencing this with Dear Daughter, and Dear Son isn't getting any younger!... I always knew they were never mine to keep, so I just keep my chin up as best I can, as I take and appreciate each and every day! I count my blessings.. I do my best to accept, and adapt.. But no matter what, I'll always love them, and I'm always here for them! It's important that I remember, location can not steal, nor diminish "my place", so to speak, as a loving mother!.. I just get to go out for coffee and shopping with the girls a little more often now, and that's o.k.!.. Have a great weekend! ((hugs)) ~tina

{Jodie} said...

Why thank you thank you thank you! I wish it was ME having dinner with you. :)

Oh and you will totally have to school me. I have no idea what vulurine means! Did you mean vulturine?
1.of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a vulture.
2.resembling a vulture, esp. in rapacious or predatory qualities: a vulturine critic. *winky face*

And thank you for saying that I'm funny. You are my favorite forever, to be sure.

myletterstoemily said...

jodie:

oh dear, i omitted the 't' and was so proud
of myself for fitting in one of your funny
words of the day.

how pitiful.

Rosie said...

Good morning dear girl,
I am sure you sing like a "little song bird"...oh, I should very much LOVE to be in the front row to encourage and hear these A*N*G*E*L*I*C* strains of music that you will gift, right back to your loving Heavenly Father. He will be smiling...oh, that thought, makes me smile happily...I shall most definitely Pray for His peace to come over you, so you might be so very relaxed. Just remember it is Him that you sing for, and it shall be SWEET!...
what number are we at today????...such talent!
Well really must scoot. Next time Koralee pops in for a giggle, I expect you to be arm in arm with her...oh, now how much FUN would that be...now I'm giggling in anticipation...have a lovely day, my little song bird...still smiling Rosie...xoxo

The Strawberry Mallard said...

Oh Lea.........I could just hug you!!!!

Anonymous said...

I looked for myself when the children all grew up. But I found I was a different person. Their lives have changed me forever. I found who I really was in the raising of my five children. Better, enriched, and surprised at the depths of love and caring my heart had come to know. My children reached a place in me nothing else could touch. Now there is a whole new well spring bubbling up in my heart, I'm expecting my first grandchild. Annie