Monday, July 15, 2013

that time i ran away from home . . . as the mom

dear emily,

i'm not sure if shelby has told you this one, but six weeks before her wedding
i ran away from home.

all five kids were home the entire summer we planned her perfect day.    there
was constant activity, a little anxiety, and clamour . . . from me not shelby.
she was an angel.

it being my first wedding and all, i set the bar pretty high for myself, read
every book on wedding etiquette,  and still managed to make a gazillion
mistakes.    after lecturing telling my family to be sure to tip the delivery
man, i tipped an old family friend's daughter.   she was horrified.

my sister in law, in her deep southern accent,  said, "lea, while shelby is
writing all her thank you notes, you're writing all your apology notes."

the lady who ordered our invitations kept sending the lists back with "you
can NOT address a formal invitation with 'ma and pa kettle.'"

the door bell rang 100 times a day.   there were fittings and shootings.   i
shot the caterer, church photographer (not ace) , and wedding planner . . .
then i packed an over night back and left for the nearest hotel (it was either
that or the psych ward.)    my family received this text:   "i will be home
tomorrow,  maybe.   don't call or text me.   feel free to shoot anybody you


ps.  "but jonah ran away from the Lord and headed to tarshish."  jonah 1:3