nine lives

dear emily,

i bet you miss your biology classes some days when you spend your time, instead, changing diapers and wiping runny noses.  let not your heart be troubled, because you will have many adventures after your sweet babies have left the nest.

let me encourage you with some stories about my grandmother.  if the proverbial cat has nine lives, then she had at least that many!

in her first life, her family came to oklahoma in a covered wagon to be missionaries to the indians.

her second life brought marriage and her third, eight children!

her fourth life brought her widowhood, as her husband and oldest child were murdered in her kitchen...
a devastating heartbreak still.

was her life over? absolutely not!

instead, she had a fifth life in raising those seven children not only to keep up the family farm, but also to excel in school.

her sixth life took her to the campus of northwestern university, where she was the dorm mom (my dad had to live his senior year in a tiny dorm room with her.)  this provided the tuition waiver for her oldest kids to attend college. after all seven children graduated from college, three attended medical school and one, law school.

the impoverished med and law students passed her '57 chevy between them until it journeyed to my cousin lane.  she painted it pink, named it 'talulah', and then sent it to me for my 16th birthday!

are you keeping up?

ok, now grandma was in her fifties and retiring to the rocking chair...no way!  in her seventh life SHE went to college and became the best first grade teacher ever! i was old enough by then to visit her class.

her eighth life took her to seminary and ordination as a methodist minister at the young age of  65.  she had a little church in manter, kansas for many years, which i was happy to attend.

in her late seventies, she did finally retire...to become the secretary to the ORU chaplain and to disciple young ORU married students in her tiny cottage.  one of my best friends, anna mae, was in that blessed group.  that makes nine!

in her tenth life, she traveled all around the world, taking me to israel when she was 84!!!

take that, kitty kitty!

blessings

dear emily,

my children heard me say "be a blessing!" every time they walked out the door.

i wanted them to be cheerful, kind, obedient, peaceful, and helpful.  they understood that all these actions were necessary to be a blessing, and we practiced them every day at home.  

this required me to conform to the same standard, and i can assure you, they would let me know when i was grumpy or impatient.  all of us continuously fell below the benchmark,  but we asked forgiveness and then tried harder.

i used to dread teachers' conferences for fear of what i might hear.  there were comments like, "hailey is just the sweetest thing, but she falls asleep during history every day."  that teacher eventually had the other students color while she took her nap!

another teacher remarked, "shelby is easily the brightest and most helpful child in the class, but would you remind her that i am the teacher?"

on several occasions, teachers would burst into tears and say, "your child has been the biggest blessing in my classroom.  i have never had a more caring or obedient student!"  then i would burst into tears.

that didn't happen often in high school...

love,
lea

galatians 5:24
'the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.'

snakes on a plane!

ha ha!  shelby just told me that it is "snakes on a plane!"  oh well...

snakes on the plane

dear emily,

i keep seeing commercials for this silly movie called 'snakes on the plane.' anyone who fears snakes on a plane has never been on one with a baby!

the terror rises while you stumble down the entry ramp towards the cabin door. the lovely and skinny young flight attendant is not happy to see you carrying your 15 pound baby, his 25 pound diaper bag, balancing your ticket and his pacifier between your first and second fingers, and dragging the stroller behind.

you are praying that your seatmate is an understanding and helpful mommy, maybe even your own mommy! 6 A B, 7 A B, 8 A B...you smile nervously at the intimidating business man in his very expensive pinstripe suit and reptile shoes.

he does not smile back.

your sweet baby, who is vibing on your stress, is already getting a little fussy.

the thought of nursing your baby, with an uptight executive next to you, makes you want to wean him. then, horrors, your precious baby throws up all over mr. pinstripe, who hisses with displeasure.

your baby, however, is now content and sleepy, and you no longer care about a snake on the plane.

friends

hey emily,

thank you for your sweet note and the darling drawings by the kiddos!

i have been thinking about our friends. we know how important it is for our children to choose their friends wisely. "show me your friends, and i will show you your future!" it is just as worthwhile that we, also, select our friends carefully.

when hans and i returned to our hometown after college, we decided that we wouldn't run with the affluent crowd. to be perfectly honest, i was afraid that i would get caught up in trivial things that i knew i had a weakness for.  so, instead, we knit our lives with those who were following the Lord, just like you are.

those dear friends prayed all night when we almost lost our first baby and later took our kids to the emergency room when we were out of town. we have cheered on each other's children in every sporting event imaginable, prayed for their success in all they do, and cried over their heartbreaks.

we have recently spent time with some of our oldest and dearest friends, and it melted our hearts to hear how devoted they are to our children. we love their beautiful daughters and are becoming friends, now, with their grandchildren!

thank you for being a devoted friend to shelby and hailey.

someday, your kids will befriend their kids...and on and on and on...

proverbs 17:17

'a friend loves at all times...'

strong-willed children

dear emily,

james dobson saved my life with our strong willed daughter, shelby.  he encouraged me to not look at her nature as a trial but as a life with a strong purpose.  truthfully, though there were difficult aspects in raising such a strong will, the benefits dramatically outweighed the obstacles.

who would you rather have on your team, the person who doesn't really care or the one who knows the best way to win?

she really had the most brilliant ideas and constantly implored me to do better. i wish i had discovered earlier that her opposition to many things stemmed from her ability to improve ...almost everything i did. unfortunately, it never dawned on me that a three year old had a finer sense of schedules, clothing, cooking, cleaning, etc. than her mother!

no children's expert ever said, "some of you have children that can help you be a better mother." they all said, "whatever you do, make sure your strong willed child knows that you are the boss!"  so, one time i asked her in exasperation, "who do you think is the boss around here?"

she calmly replied, "me."

i wish i had just given her the car keys right then.

so, here is the balance.   she needed to know not only that mom and dad were the ultimate bosses but also that her opinions were valued and occasionally implemented.

a wise person once told us to never ask a child to do something or not to do something unless we were prepared to back it up.   this forced hans and i to think before we said things.   if we asked shelby to pick up her room, and she didn't do it, she had a consequence.  if she ran into the street after we told her not to, there was another consequence.

in spite of my many mistakes, shelby is now a precious young woman of God.  your little samara will be, too!

love,
lea

1 timothy 4:12

'don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.'

saved by the blanket

dear emily,

i performed many crazy experiments on my children. they suffered through my extreme health craze, no TV phase (for three or four years), and fanatical 'no santa' syndrome. i feel embarrassed about some of them, but am the most mystified by the blanket trick, because i only know of one other person who ever taught this to their toddlers.

there were many older women who gave me excellent child-rearing advice, but one surpassed them all. she taught me that you can spend all your time running around cleaning up messes and saving your kids from dangerous situations. but it is wiser to put that time to good use by training them to do something...like little german shepherds! jk

she said that if i were to train my little puppies to sit on a blanket with special toys and books for a couple of minutes a day, they would become accustomed to it. then i would be able to take them anywhere, and they would feel safe with their blanket and not be so fidgety.

basically they could learn 'to stay' on the blanket.

yeah, right.

being the maniacal mother that i was, i tried it. i bought the most colorful,
soft blanket i could find and four or five new toys. then, i sat down beside
my toddler and said that we could only play with those special toys while
we sat on that blanket. after two or three minutes, i picked up the toys
and blanket and told him we could play with them again the next day.

that was the hard part, because he really liked those new toys! but
toddlers, like puppies, are easily distracted. i re-enacted this little
routine everyday, increasing the time to about fifteen minutes, until he
even sat by himself. if he got up off the blanket, i simply withdrew the
toys for the next day.  (pavlov's bell) :)

i kid you not, in a week's time, i would say, "max, play on the blanket with
your toys," and he did it! hans and i could take any of our five kiddos
anywhere, with that blanket, and they were happy as clams....for ten or
fifteen minutes. honestly, ten or fifteen minutes of peace was worth the
hours of training! when the children were older, three or four, i did not
subject them to the indignity of blanket sitting. this was just a toddler tool.

i would wait until the 'witching hour', fifteen minutes before hans came
home when the children were bored to tears with me, to pull out the
blanket. then i could breathe a big sigh of relief, because i knew the
ultimate 'blanket' was about to walk in the door.

can't think of a single scripture for this...umm, gideon, i think, put out a
blanket as a fleece before the Lord about a battle...judges 6:36-39