Saturday, November 19, 2011

bullies

once a week i have lunch with a precious third grader in one of
our city's at risk neighborhoods.   i used to say that i was her
mentor, but it's really the other way around.

i have learned so much from her eagerness to learn and express
herself artistically.  she recently won a poster contest to protest
bullying.  her sunny disposition shone all over it with "love",
"peace," and "kindness" in big letters.   it reminded me of the
fruit of the Spirit.

bullies have been my nemesis, as i seem to attract them like bees
to honey.    people, thankfully not my husband,  just want to boss
me around.   recently i have wondered whether a bully knows he
is a bully.   is it possible that some obscure their boldness with
good intentions?



some may think they need to exert pressure on me, because i am too
wishy-washy.  if they didn't push me,  i might never accomplish
anything.   i just need someone to help me pull my head out of the
sand and 'take a stand.'

when these well meaning 'pushers' apply force to me, i either dig in
my heels or cave in.   the next time it happens, i resolve to say, "you
are pressuring me, or it feels like you are bullying me."  i think they
will be shocked, because they don't realize what they are doing.

i know i will be shocked, if i really have the courage to stand up
for myself.

love,
lea

"but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."
galatians 5:22, 23


21 comments:

Vee said...

Oh this is very interesting. As one who doesn't get bullied too often, I am eager to know how this works out for you. It would be good for people to be shocked into realizing that they are being too forceful or pressuring.

Say, did the library call you asking to make pies of their pie sale on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving? I found them a little pressuring and told them that, instead, I'd make and buy an imaginary pie. =}

Sonja said...

I'm pretty sure you are going to hold your own just fine! :)

Farm Girl said...

Well let me know if it works. I think I am wishy washy and I hate confrontation so I just give in. I think about this I just have no backbone. Unless of course someone is hurting another person. Bully's make me crazy. I also stutter and my mind goes blank. :)My husband just says "no," Because he says, " Jesus says let your yes be yes and your no be no.
I tried it. The person on the other end of the phone said, "Why?" I was stumped.

A Tale of Two Cities said...

Bullying is sure a growing area of concern, and although we typically think of it as a "young person's" issue, it can sure be prevalent in our world as adults too. More power to you and your new resolve.

Debbie said...

I think I spent a good deal of my life as easily pushed around, and therefore taken advantage of. Now I wonder sometimes if I am a little "too" pushy. Always looking for the balance over here. This is an interesting subject. Hope your having a good week-end!

Rachel said...

Oy. Bullies in my life right now. And I finally picked up a big stick.

Sometimes there are just no winning solutions. But standing up for yourself reaffirms that God created you with purpose.

JMW said...

Great post - it's so sad to see that bullying can take all forms and unfortunately we don't leave it behind in grade school. Stand your ground! And cheers to you for being a mentor to a young person. I can attest that it can be even more rewarding to the mentor. Young people can teach us so much!

Cinnamon said...

Hooray for your friend, a very good artist.

Do you just need courage like the lion from the Wizard of Oz? Maybe the great wizard can help you :-)

But on a serious note....one side of your description is ME and the other is my husband....opposites attract don't they?!

~Cinnamon

Sassy Granny ... said...

I've no doubt that your standing tall will send the bullies to flight!

I have a number of bullies in my life. They are master manipulators, and if out-right bullying doesn't get them the power they seek, they'll switch tactics and use gooey kindness instead. I've learned to see both for what they are.

Praying for wisdom & courage as you live out God's purpose for you: you are MORE than a conqueror!

Silver Strands said...

Wow Lea - great lesson. And WHAT AN ARTIST! Have a great week, Lea.

Darcie said...

Would you find it strange that I had a conversation just last night with my mom, about how I am easily controlled, and I need to know when to stand up for myself. Sadly bullying doesn't when we leave school, sadly those that learn to bully as kids, can in turn become adult bullies. Thankfully we are realizing more an more their traits, and learn to recognize their signs.

Your little 3rd grade friend seems pretty precious and smart for her age.

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

I think I am feeling this the older I get...I don't remember it much when I was younger. I sometimes feel bullied more because I live in a family of mostly boys and they don't mean it, but at times I feel that is what they are doing...I am sure they would be surprised, because they don't see me as someone who could be bullied. My stomach usual tells me differently.

Stand up...and let Him defend you...I am sure He will show you the way!! I am sure it will be with dignity and grace.

Blessings...and Happy Thanksgiving...hugs and thanks...really thanks!!

Jenners said...

I always like to think that we leave bullies behind in school but I know it isn't so. I hope we can call stand up to the bullies in our lives!

Joan Elizabeth said...

I call it growing up, having the confidence to say NO.

Anne Lyken-Garner said...

Amen to that. I don't think bullies always know what they're doing. I think sometimes extremely confident people take this to extremes when they meet a more mild-natured person. They think they have to take charge and boss them around.
I'm sure some bullies set out to do just that. They get pleasure from hurting others.
Your decision is the perfect solution. Telling a bully he's a bully usually stops him in his tracks.

Jenn said...

Oh for boldness! I need a dose of that, too!

Lisa said...

I don't know if it's bullying or my own stupidity, but I often get talked into doing things I really don't want to do and then end up kicking myself later. Not bad things but things I really have no business doing. There. It's out. I'm a people pleaser!

Thistle Cove Farm said...

I think bullies bully because no one stands up to them. when someone takes a stand, bullies, usually, back down. Dave hated confrontations but I'll get in someone's face in a NY second...not very wise but I despise bullies! it takes no talent to be mean, does it?

Champagne Macarons said...

Good post! I think you will do fine. Unfortunately, those of us that are kind natured and soft spoken are sometimes regarded as push-overs. It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I really began to stand up for myself and cut those types out of my life after I expressed my feelings (in a kind way, of course). For me it was a great decision. I keep only the best people around me.
Oh, and your little mentor sounds darling.

xoxo, B

Single and Sane said...

I'm usually pretty good about setting boundaries that keep the bullies at bay, but occasionally I find I've let one slip through and I wonder how that happened. Then I have to remind myself that they can only get away with what I allow them to get away with...

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

I came by to say I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving...no matter where you were I think I heard the joy of your family all the way down here in Texas.

Enjoy this season...enjoy your singing, and healing to your father-in-law.

Blessings my precious blogging friend!!!