Tuesday, September 6, 2011

a firm foundation

dear emily,

when i was a little girl my grandmother wore something called a
foundation.  this undergarment made all her dresses smooth and
her figure lovely, but her breathing was labored.   my mother's
generation wore girdles, a hideous name but a vast improvement
on the foundation.  she could take deeper breaths.

google image


now the post virginia slims' generation wears spanx.  i can only
hope that a man named them.  any woman to think of such a
demeaning name should be spanked.   there are dozens of more
suitable ones:  slink, slimmer, shape, even the tried and true girdle
is more dignifying.  

when i was in high school, i wore a 'refining' undergarment,
because i was petrified of jiggling.  how much jiggle could a 110
pound girl generate?  now when i accidentally catch a glimpse
of myself walking by a horror movie mirror, i can see my back
side wobble the opposite direction.

i should not be allowed to sing a favorite old hymn, "how firm a
foundation."

love,
lea

26 comments:

Erica said...

too funny! and yes, spanx were actually created by and named by a woman... what was she thinking?! "foundation" is a much more dignified name!

Farm Girl said...

ha ha, well, when I had my first baby a old, old friend of my family called me on the phone and told me to go down and get a "corset at a antique store and put that on and before long you would look normal and not jiggle anymore."
I laughed and laughed after I got off the phone. I thought it was sweet for her to call. I didn't of course go find one, but you know now, I wish I could get cinched up good and tight
just like Scarlett.
I don't think spandex does that good of a job. :) Did you wash your hair in Tide so it would be good and shiny and I rinsed my hair in vinegar too. Aw youth.

myletterstoemily said...

vinegar, i have heard of, but TIDE???

Debbie said...

HAHA Now this was quite amusing. Yes Spanx is a horrible name though I did get one to wear to my daughter's wedding so I wouldn't jiggle as I lumbered up the aisle. I was never so glad to get something off in my life, haha....I honestly wonder how the girls like Scarlett ever made it laced up like that, I don't think I ever could of. Have a wonderful day! HUGS

Sonja said...

HA! oh the memories this pulls up! The only thing that sounds worse is the way the oriental ladies used to bind their feet. All of it sounds like a torture chamber!!

xo

Sandy said...

I've never worn any of those but
I did iron my hair on the ironing
board to get it super straight in
high school. I've never heard of
shampooing your hair with Tide!!
My favorite shampoo was called
Lemon Up and I don't think they
make it anymore. It smelled great!
By the way, what's wrong with
jiggling? God gave us jiggly parts!

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

Oh too funny..and no, I will not comment about how I look when going past a mirror....I would really need my glasses to get the whole truth of the matter...so I will just continue to not wear glasses

Oh I do remember my mom wearing her girdle....but wear something underneath in high school...no way, and I was much larger than you! I guess I must go for comfort!

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

Thanks...God is giving me peace...still on my knees before a "Mighty, Mighty God"...tears at times, but a deeper understanding of the God I serve!
Hugs

Lisa said...

LOL! Lea, you know it's got to be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that!

Thistle Cove Farm said...

Lea, I've never been a fan of the name spanx either; just sounds coarse. In my early days, I wore a girdle but now I jiggle. Heck, at this age, I'm happy to jiggle 'cause it could be a whole lot worse! I could be plant food.

Darcie said...

Can't tell you how happy I was to see your blog pop up in my reader! It's been too long, and I am missing. Missing your humor, wit, wisdom, and wiggle. (Does that last one work)? ;-) I walked by a mirror once(ok, more then once), I let out a big old, *SIGH*, only to hear my son say, "No, mom your butt isn't big." What does he know? Thanks for the laugh my friend.

Jenners said...

I have yet to be "spanxed" but I'm afraid to try them for fear that I'll never be able to NOT wear them.

Tamara said...

OH MY GOSH YOU MAKE ME LAUGH! I believe I'm at that point where I don't leave the house without some sort of lycra covering my body. Who knew? Back in the 70's the addage was if you could put a pencil under your breast and it fell out - then you could go bra-less. Honey... I could put a lincoln log there and it would have rolled out. I could go bra-less and no one would notice. But then time passes, babies nurse and the 'gravity' of the situation takes hold. or. worse. }}SIGH{{ You made me laugh Lea! Blessings to you!

Jen said...

Too funny! You would think as terrible as all of those illustrious "shaping" garments are to put on that a man invented each and every one. But alas, woman's vanity always wins.

Anita said...

Well, that was just hilarious!! I'm thinking the slip should be brought back, lol!! I'm so tired of the see-through clothes everywhere. Oh well. I have not "seen" you in forever, but then I have been a bad, mia blogger:-) Hope you are well!!

Joan Elizabeth said...

Oh yes my Nana wore corsets like that and she had a bra with bones in the reached from her bust to her waist. Imagine trying to get about all trussed up like that ... I'd rather wobble ... and I do plenty of that.

Vee said...

I've not worn a "firm foundation" since my 14th year when a horrible contrivance rolled from the bottom up...no legs in said contrivance...to my upper ribcage. Murder, it was. And no help from my mother who was in spasms of laughter while I turned blue and nearly faded from the scene. I believe it all ended with a pair of scissors or was it the jaws of life...something got me out of it. Now I'd prefer to jiggle merrily along thank you very much. ☺

Say, what happened to that post that I've been trying with no success to read for six weeks?

myletterstoemily said...

vee: hee hee! no surprise that rhymes.

Packrat said...

Too funny about the horror movie. Let's not go there, okay? LOL What memories! My heavy-set grandmother always wore a foundation, too. My skinny mother and other grandma wore a girdle or garter belt depending on the outfit. Tight skirts = girdle. Looser fitting dress = garter belt. I also wore a girdle or pantie girdle or garter belt depending on the outfit. I was all of 105 pounds or so. Had to have something to hold up those stockings. Even the first pantie hose had to have something hold them up. The elastic always stretched out or broke. Oh, those were the days. Now most young girls don't even try to hold in their tummies.

myletterstoemily said...

i've noticed that, too! and with shirts
to show every roll.

colbymarshall said...

Haha! Girdle, spanx...it's funny to think of for how much things change, so much they stay the same!

Colby and Ashlee from over at We Are Twins

Deborah Ann said...

I see your sense of humor is still intact. I'm girdling, um giggling away here!

I've missed you. Haven't blogged for quite a while...

Single and Sane said...

I don't care what they call 'em, I just wish someone would come up with the perfect solution to the betrayal of the back (that no one thinks will ever happen to them) that still allows you to breathe...and sit...and stand up again...and pretty much function as a normal person. Sigh.

A Tale of Two Cities said...

So, so funny! I, for one, am thankful for the option of Spanx, but sure do hate the days I feel the need to wear them. Suck it in, girls!

Rachel said...

I need to get me some Spanx - no matter who named them!

Oh, and I find it helpful to simply avoid mirrors :)

Jenny Schouten Short said...

Funny, I've been thinking lately I should get a girdle. My grandmother had the same on e yours did and I watched her after her bath every morning (I was six) powder, put on her teddy the her bra over that and finally the girdle. She was ready for the day. But for many hears I have wondered how she went to the bathroom. Did she undress? I was not privy to that. xo Jenny