Friday, April 30, 2010

dearly beloved, we interrupt this marriage . . .

hans and i are participating in a bible study that is focusing on
fortifying our marriages.  we are working our way through john
and staci eldredge's love & war, which is four parts silly to one
part helpful.  fortunately, the one part has redeemed the rest.

the most helpful suggestions have been to work at keeping some
excitement and a shared sense of purpose in our marriages.  they
have really encouraged us, also, to be vigilant in maintaining good
communication and to be willing to fight for our relationship.

none of this is new information, but we all thought that we should
be able to coast by now.  ha ha!  who ever said that after 30 years
of marriage, we can just recline, put our feet up, and treat each
other with careless disregard?

a healthy, vibrant marriage, like every other force, is subject to the
exponential law of decay.  it  requires loving care and diligent
maintenance to keep the tiny fissures in the dam from widening
and causing a flood of problems.

one thing the eldredges haven't talked about is the life-giving source
of laughter.  i'm convinced that our capacity to laugh together is just
as important our capacity to do . . .  other things.  :)

love,
lea

"love is kind, does not delight in evil,  . . . and is not self-seeking."
1 corinthians 13

24 comments:

Farm Girl said...

I agree with everything you said with my whole heart. You have to be able to laugh. I think I work harder now in our marriage because I don't want to ever slip into complacency.
Not to mention, I like being married to my best friend even more now...after 30 years. Thanks Lea,
Also so I won't buy the book.

Sonja said...

oh this is good! Very wise comments, and laughter may be one of the MOST important elements... it sure is for us!

btw... I went over to visit your suggested 'granny' blog. She is a jewel, I thoroughly enjoyed her slant on life. What joy she has.

Enjoy your weekend Lea..

koralee said...

Oh I love your words of wisdom...a great reminder my friend..thank you. xoxo

The Strawberry Mallard said...

I could not agree with you moe.....30 X 30.....how many year to continue growing with each other....!

Southern Lady said...

How true! Laughter is an important element of any marriage. When John and I laugh together all is right with the world. Carla

Cinnamon said...

I do thank God for those moments when we can "coast". I think God sends them as "breathers" to encourage and help us laugh at ourselves :-) Great reminder!

~Cinnamon

Anne Lyken-Garner said...

An encouraging post. Laughter is a good source of bonding tape in a relationship, and so is humility.
Being able to walk away from situations in which you could stand up and say, 'I'm right, you're wrong' takes strength.
Things will fall down around you, but being able to stand together and face them is crucial. Many people can't do this when hard times hit them.

Joan Elizabeth said...

Yes laughter is good medicine. Noticing the comment above mine I have to say that ever since Google I'm right/you're wrong can get squashed pretty quick. Though I never volunteer to look it up unless I'm sure I'm right and hubbie is too lazy to check anyway.

carissa @ lowercase letters said...

i haven't read this book but i'm not a huge fan of the eldredge's. glad to know there is a good part to it, though!

i love what you said: "a healthy, vibrant marriage, like every other force, is subject to the exponential law of decay. it requires loving care and diligent maintenance to keep the tiny fissures in the dam from widening and causing a flood of problems."
i pray that we will always remember that in our marriage! it's so easy to coast.

and laughter... aww... the key to my heart!

happy weekend sweet lea!

i will not say one word about ok!

Sidney said...

Completely agree with you here...every relationship should be blessed with laughter...it's as honest as you can get!

Zuzu said...

Great advice, Lea!

I always thought there were two of us in our marriage, but there's actually three. A 'he' a 'she' and an 'us'. 'Us' is our marriage, the bond, and whenever 'he' or 'she' is unhappy, 'us' steps up with a reminder of how important the bond is and that a solution can be found. We're working on 29 years together. Love him dearly - and I love 'us'.

Happy weekend to you and yours,
Zuzu

I Love Pretty Little Things said...

My husband and I have been married 26 years this summer. Anyone who has been married for a number of years knows that it takes love, dedication, perseverance and yes, definitely laughter- But, without God's Amazing Grace- we would not still be Mr. & Mrs.! I am so thankful, and quite honestly, I am more diligent in my marriage now than when I was young and some what foolish. :)
Thanks for the reminder,
Joyce

Deb said...

Great post! Like anything, if you neglect it, it will die, rust, fall apart, etc.. It helped me to understand that I won't always "feel loving" toward my husband, but we can't live our lives on feelings alone. We must act, and the feelings will follow. Too many people just give up when the new wears off and they settle into the work it takes to maintain a relationship.

a woman who is said...

Thanks for dropping by Emily. Great reminder post about not coasting and keeping the laughter going.

So who is your favorite
blog sommelier?

My Farmhouse Kitchen said...

sending blessings....

kary and teddy
xxx

jamjar said...

Amen, sister. After 30 years laughing is one thing I do better and more often that I did when he first married me!!!

Shawna said...

I couldn't agree more, especially with the laughter part. I am so glad that even during stressful moments, I have a partner who can just giggle with me and that makes life such a joy! We're going to start the Love and War study, too, and I'm anxious to see what we can take out of it!

Lisa said...

Good advice from a seasoned pro.:)
PS I'll have to get "Love & War"...I loved "Captivating".

Janean said...

maybe not coasting, but drive with one hand on the wheel...ya know with confidence, but it keeps us on our toes when we move to another state and have to take a drivers test again. *big grin*

Alicia said...

What a great study! And I agree about the laughter!!

~*~ saskia ~*~ said...

Beautiful post, Lea!
I love love your comments on my blog, each and every time!!

Sending a big hug your way for a lovely day. Hope there will be a lot of sunshine in your sweet little corner of the world. We are facing rain ~ wind ~ rain ~ wind and a little bit more rain today. But inside it's cozy, off to make myself a latte grande, the first of the day... many will follow ;)

xx

Sandra said...

Laughter will hold a marriage together better than glue! Between laughter and prayer, God covers us in His love.

Rita said...

Lea, what a wise and ecouraging post. devoured every word you wrote: all so true.
and I'm fully with you as to laughter.
visiting your blog and reading your is always an opportunity for growth - be that as an individual or as a couple you alway offer your word of wisdom as a great way to improve in every aspect of our life. thank you
rita

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

Since I was missing you I thought I would read over some old post...but new to me.
This is great...what is funny is I think I blogged about this same time on this book...too funny! Well great minds think alike. LOL
We loved this book and had it finished by our 30th anniversary...it was great...and I have loved their other books.